A 20 minute chat on omegle proved to be more stimulating than most of the conversations I’ve had this week.
Him: Do you want to take one to feel numb?
Him: Yeah, me too.
Him: Yeah, me too.
Me: I Do?
New Friend: Yeah.
New Friend: My gf showed me a picture of you.
Me: Umm That's weird.
New Friend: Do you know "El"
Me: uhhh No.
New Friend: Shows me a pic of "El"
Me: Ohhh. I'm not that weirded out anymore.
New Friend: Good, I didn't want you to move your seat.
Idiot: Let's go in the back of school three and test out the theory.
Idiot: Come on, I want to know if its true.
Me: Tell your best friend to show you, since he knows so well.
Him: What can I do to make you feel better babe?
Me: Suck my dick.
Me: Mom, you know you are the one that caused this hurricane.
Mother: You are so wrong for that.
Me: I'm blaming you for the rest of your life.
- She hasn't responded again.
My Sister: Can you put mom's face on a hurricane in Photoshop and send it to me.
My Sister: Ok
My Sister: Bye
Mother: I don't trust you.
Me: What have I done for you not to trust me?
Mother's Bf: Just keep it in your bedroom. Please.
Me: But the couch was going to be my first spot with him.
Mother: I can't even think of this.
Mother's Bf: Sanitize everything before we get home.
Me: Yeah ok.
Me: NO! I look and feel like crap.
Him: Come on. Please.
Me: Eh Ok.
Him: Babe, you may feel sick, but you still look beautiful.
Man Two: Nah man, I got you tomorrow. You know I always got you.
Man One: I got my glock at home, come tomorrow you going to be burning with a bullet.
Man Two: Man, fucking shoot me then. You gunna kill me young blood?
Man One: Don't fucking worry about it, I own you nigga.
Man Two: You aint gunna kill me nigga. You just gunna have me walking around fucked up.
Man One: Tomorrow gunna be your life changing day nigga.
Man Two: Shoot me in the leg, in the arm, just don't shoot me in the nuts my dude. Let a nigga still get some pussy.
Man One: Shut the fuck up bitch ass nigga.
Man Two: Come on man, shoot me in the leg.
Me: Is this real? *In My Mind*
Me: *Sigh* Yours. (...Even when you're no longer mine.)
BF: Whose dick will it be going on first?
Me: We'll flip a coin.
The Babe: Why??????
Me: I keep fingering myself too hard.
The Babe: Let me come kiss it and make it better.
Me: In my relationships there is no girl because we both have dicks and neither one of us has a vagina.
Mark: I mean who is the masculine and feminine one?
Me: There is a little percentage of masculine and feminine traits in both of us.
Mark: Who fucks who?
Me: Taking turns, because the pleasure one of us feels should always be returned.