Trying to replace you isn’t working
Despite my attempts to forget this hurting.
I’ve remained loyal to the thought of a past
that I know I can no longer get back.
Yet this hope in my being keeps me reminded
that love has me so fucked up and blinded.
I try not to give you credit
and make known
that these sleepless nights
are of my doing alone.
But you and I both know
that not even in my dreams I am safe
of the constant reminder
of how you can’t be so easily replaced.
I see your face in every man
whose ever said “I was his only girl”
Like my father, you left at noon
as I pretended the tears rolling down my eyes
were from the dust and cobwebs of my heart.
I wish I never knew what love felt like.
See I know it must feel nice to be numb.
I wish I never knew what love felt like.
See I know it must feel nice to never be fucked over by anyone.
We took it to far…
The decaying hope of amor kept me caged
in what was once a place I called home.
His smile devoured my joy
creating an endless abyss of nights left drinking alone.
We almost loved
like red velvet ice cream, sinning our ways into lies
This was intended to be just for lust
but I fell in love with each rough thrust as he buried himself deep within my thighs.
You make me feel like summer days of 1999, when the world was much simpler and the swing set in the backyard held my secrets.
I woke up today, wishing I could hear your “goodmornings” that I used to hate so much.
They say that moving forward is the only option but looking back on what once was is what keeps me haunted.
Before you leave remember that this is the last goodbye my ears are going to hear you ever say.
If it will make you happy, then go your way, I wont fight any longer to make you stay.
whisperedverse
…needs to stop being so mysteriously enticing to my eyes right now.
These words were supposed to sing melodies of angelic pentameter.
I apologize.
If you expect me to be a writer than I will surely dissapoint you.
but if you want to delve into the mind of someone far to broken to be ever fixated with perfect grammar and spelling but instead stained with words of hurts and joys, I can than offer you my world with the promise that this is me. Nothing more, nothing less.
ThinkMeStrange.
I Brought A Card Today
By Jean Roy
I brought a card today
I really don’t know what for
See how I can send a thank you to a man
who hasn’t ever been there before?
I am so lost in my own thoughts
trying to find answers to questions
like do you ever think of me
or if living life without you was truly a blessing.
I’m too lost in my own feelings
yet my heart craves to be found
I look at myself in the mirror each day
and try to make excuses to why you never were around.
I see balloons labeled dad in every corner,
three words, as I child, I never spoke
because after years of staring out the window for you
I realized believing in hope, was nothing more than just a cruel joke.
I try not to pity myself
but to say it doesn’t burn would be a lie
because I am only one of millions of men
who’ve grown up without a father to idolize
I can blame you for all the sleepless nights
of my youth
or pretend I am fine
not knowing the truth
or how silly it is for me
to envy children of two and three
who I see at the park playing catch with their dads
wishing back then, that could have been you and me
Its too late for me to ask you to be a father
because I’m already grown
and the past cannot be re written
despite wishing you didn’t leave me all alone
I brought a fathers day card today
I really don’t know what for
I spent $2.99
but still was 23 years too short.
You will knock on my door and I will look at you and pretend to smile because that’s all I can do.
I will try to cover up the pain that I should have departed with so many months ago.
I will look at you and try to forget all the reasons why I still love you but you and I both know that forgetting takes time and I feel like I’m already running out of it.
