Think Me Strange

I wish I could take it back. Too bad time is nonrefundable.

If I could sell it back, I’d buy you a heart, so you wouldn’t have an excuse for your lack of sentiment and love. Along with your own dreams so you could stop stealing and corrupting what were left of mine.

Lucky for me, your lies are a package deal. Complimentary with whomever falls in love with you. I am sick and tired of feeling this way. I hate love. I am such a hypocrite. I hate love when it isn’t the type of love I want. I guess it is true what they say “beggars can’t be choosers” I just don’t think anyone would beg to be able to chose feeling like this.

I feel like I set up goals for myself that I cannot possibly reach in love. I like people or get to know people who I know won’t like me for me because I am not this super good looking generic gay everyone is used to seeing. Far from popular belief, not every gay guy is 130lbs with abs and amazing hair and skin.My body is shit and so is my self confidence.

I feel like I try to talk to guys out of my league. I feel like the cute ones are like name brands.

Name brands I could never afford because I am poor.

Too good to ever be mine. =/

You’ve won. Now you can tell them how much of a fool I was and still am for you. I was weak for the illusion that maybe you and I could have been so much more than the wants and desires that replayed over and over in my mind. You can tell them how much I cared for you. You can say how stupid I acted when I found out that you never really cared for me. You can tell them all that it was all wishful thinking on my part. I knew deep down it was too good to be true… You proved me right; I wanted to be proved wrong so bad. But you won’t tell them that every night I cry for you knowing that you are happy with him. Each day that passes kills me with the silent plague of unresolved love. Each minute that passes I realize that he is on your mind but still hoping it was me. I still cannot understand how my heart can stand the knowledge of knowing that I waited for so long with no end result. How can I miss a love that was never mine to begin with?

I’m leaving you behind along with your issues. Missing me is going to be something you’re going to have to get used to.

I remember in the first grade we had our little ghetto lunches. We had a grilled cheese wrapped in some plastic pouch a little milk and juice carton and a fruit. I was friends with these two boys, one was Kenneth and the other Miguel. We got our trays and sat in the lunch table. That day we were given a kiwi. Kenny had no idea what a kiwi was. He thought it looked nasty and was not trying to taste it. So of course me and Miguel dared him for 75 cents. I’ll never forget this dudes face. He put it in his mouth and yelled so loud “This shit is fucking amazing!” Me and Miguel were laughing at his reaction. He then walked around the lunchroom stealing peoples kiwi’s off their tray. Kenny came back with about 8 kiwis. We just sat there and watched him annihilate each and every single one.