June 2013
In one IM window I egged him on to tell me more about his date, and on tumblr I wrote about how much it hurt to be in love.
This has been weiting heavy on my chest. Everytime I read your posts, I hate you more and more. Stop fucking bitching, you whiny fag. I really wish you would really fucking die or kill yourself. There is just something about you that makes me wish you ended your life.
I don’t even know how to take this. Thank you for being honest with me, but if I upset you so much, why do you continue following me? I don’t understand.
The roses
that grow faithfully
out my window every spring
still remind me of you.
You may be the one I want the most
but I have to let you go.
This bed, although missing your warmth
keeps my heart safe from your harm.
First Initial of People I've Dated/Loved/Been Involved With
B ♥
G•
J=
A=
B
J=
V=
C•=
J•=
R♥
J♥
J♥
Bolded are the ones I’ve had sex with.
♥ Was inlove with.
= Waste of time
• online boyfriend
Everytime I have sex, I always have a color on my mind.
I don’t know if its like I am seeing auras or the color is a way that my mind and emotion link to the pleasure I am feeling but It sometimes creeps me out.
Missing you is only the beginning.
I’m starting to get chills while writing again.
I’ve missed that feeling so much.
I’ve always loved men, who were just like my father;
absent, abusive and alcholics.
I have a thing for pain, almost as if my heart runs on dissapointments, which is maybe why so many men feed off
my need for their approval.
I don't know my own heart.
My grades never matched my bra size in junior high.
I was an outlier in sea of of young adults who didn’t know I was alive.
I fell in love with a writer, instead of the quaterback
and had braces to fix my overbite and gap.
I was never told I was beautiful,though sometimes I wish I did
I was just a girl who was stuck in a body that didn’t fit.
I envied the girls with long flowing hair and perfect skin
while I was lost in an identity that I didn’t belong with
My grades never matched my bra size in junior high.
To everyone I was Michael, but I knew I was a girl inside.
Kindergarten
Kindergarten doesn’t prepare you
to know that in ten years
the same boys stealing your crayons
are going to try to rob you of your virtue
… and you’ll let them
not because everyone is doing it
but because you’ll mistake lust for love
coming from a broken home, that sometimes has to be enough.
We became involved too fast.
That fifteen minute of “what if” is over. :)
Trying to replace you isn’t working
Despite my attempts to forget this hurting.
I’ve remained loyal to the thought of a past
that I know I can no longer get back.
Yet this hope in my being keeps me reminded
that love has me so fucked up and blinded.
I try not to give you credit
and make known
that these sleepless nights
are of my doing alone.
But you and I both know
that not even in my dreams I am safe
of the constant reminder
of how you can’t be so easily replaced.
I see your face in every man
whose ever said “I was his only girl”
Like my father, you left at noon
as I pretended the tears rolling down my eyes
were from the dust and cobwebs of my heart.
I wish I never knew what love felt like.
See I know it must feel nice to be numb.
I wish I never knew what love felt like.
See I know it must feel nice to never be fucked over by anyone.
We took it to far...
The decaying hope of amor kept me caged
in what was once a place I called home.
His smile devoured my joy
creating an endless abyss of nights left drinking alone.
We almost loved
like red velvet ice cream, sinning our ways into lies
This was intended to be just for lust
but I fell in love with each rough thrust as he buried himself deep within my thighs.
